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About this blog

I'd always wanted to do a blog and as soon as I found out that PokeStadium had blogs, I just had to give it a go.


This will be a blog about everything and anything in my life. I'll try to do this daily, but sometimes life is uninteresting so don't always expect one a day. Don't be fooled by the title: I'm am completely willing to go into less silly topics if I want.


Entries in this blog


Hello and welcome back to the dark rising 2 nuzlocke. Let's get started:


Armed with their mighty Dragonite and Fletchling, loser head to a place which I forgot the name of, which is full of baby Pokemon.


Loser steps into the grass, and along comes an Elekid.


Loser paralyzes it with Dragonite's Thunder Wave, gets its HP in the red, and starts with the Pokeballs.


Loser: Pokeball go!


Elekid: *pops out* Screw you.


Loser: Pokeball go!


Elekid: *pops out* I hate you.


Loser: Pokeball go!


Elekid: *pops out* Go die.


Loser: Pokeball go!


Elekid: *pops out* Haha you're running out of Pokeballs.


Loser: Oh shoot I have.


Elekid: Hahahahahahahaha






What have I done? I caught Elekid and named it MASTERBALL so I would always be ashamed. Oh well, I need all the mons I can get.


Loser: Right, time to progress with the story.


(Enter annoying dad)


Annoying Dad: I'm not leaving this room until your computer is off.




The next day:


So Loser beats up Galactic grunts and Rocket grunts until Cyrus is there and he's like "IMMA GONNA DESTROY ALL POKEMON". I'm like "NOPE", I go train up for a bit, Oh-Ho (which tbh sounds like something Mario would say) evolves, Spamuhell get Water Pulse of all things and MASTERBALL gets Shock Wave. Then he sends out Murkrow.


*slow clap*


One Murkrow, Sneasel and Gyarados later, Virizion says hi and I head out to a nice forest to catch a new Pokemon.


I step into the grass and..





(I read that starters have a 1-2% chance to show up so this is crazy)




And of course there was only one name for it @Tega but without the @. This dude is a little bold Turtwig. And it has shell armour noice.


Well thats it for today. Imma go train up this Tega for a bit and I will be back :)




I couldn't help but jump on the nuzlocke bandwagon but I wanted to do something different so I'm doing a fan game.






I'm not going to explain why it is so satanic, but the level creeps are terrifying, even with your borked starters.


Which are Dragonite, Salamence and Garchomp btw.


So I start off choosing my name, and I chose my real name: Loser, and my rival's real name: STUPID.


So Loser's on a boat and they're leaving the boat and this one dude's like: "You should go to your room and pick your stuff up"


I get a Jewel of Life and..



What the **** is this?


So I leave this boat and are approached by my friends and I remember that this game is a sequel. No, I am not playing through the original Dark Rising, I do not enjoy that one at all.


So I go get my starter and I pick Dragonite cos why the hell not and I name it @Spamuhell but without the @. I know they love Dragonite so you're welcome :)


Then I get my Pokedex and I go out and there's a team galactic grunt there and she's like:






So I fight her and she has a LEVEL 9 Stunky and I have a LEVEL 10 Dragonite actually what is life. Stunky gets bodied and I'm like:


"Imma go catch some Pokemons"


So I buy some Pokeballs and I go into the grass and I see this:




So I catch it, have a nickname block and I am forced to ask this great place what to name it. Not long later @Contract_Crawdad gets back and he's like, "name it Oh-Ho" and I'm like hell ya.


If you can't tell already, I'm am totally TRIGGERED here. And it only gets worse. But that's a story for another time :)


Hello everyone, and welcome back to the Blog-A-Log-A-Log.


I'd been thinking of talking about this for a while, and with Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon announced, I felt that now was the perfect time.


I wanted to talk about Pokemon Sun and Moon.


I haven't played Pokemon properly in a while, since the new games came out, and I think these games are to blame.


I have a lot of problems with Sun and Moon. But, I'll start by saying that some of my favourite Pokemon were introduced in these games, like Alolan Dugtrio, Mimikyu and Kartana. I like every Pokemon introduced except Toxapex.


However, I hate the features Sun and Moon put in, and I hate the changes made.


While the trails seemed to be a nice fresh addition to the games, I found them to be boring. The only part of the story I really liked were the team skull/aether foundation side of things, with lord and saviour Nebby.


In fact, I think that out of every story in Pokemon, SuMo's story gives you the least freedom. I wish that the trails were like the gyms in the second generation, where you didn't have to challenge them in a set order.


The trails just got on my nerves. Instead of actual serious battles, we get super saiyan Pokemon that use cheap gimmicks. *Cough Salazzle *cough.


I'll admit that the kahuna fights were more fun, it was a shame that there were only four of them.


Another thing I hate is the way you earn BP in the games. I personally loved the Battle Subway in BW and the Battle Maison was tolerable. However, these games give you TWO methods and both of them are terrible.


The battle tree, AKA boring tree, is just boring. Most of the time I bring Mimikyu, set up a Swords Dance and laugh for a bit.


Battle Royals however, are a whole different story. They are downright STUPID. When I first saw it, I thought the rules would be like in the Pokemon Free for Alls you'd see on YouTube that I really enjoy, but no. The rule set is so dumb, the AI gangs up on you, and it makes me want to jump out my bedroom window.


And the thing I hate most, is those goddamn gay moves.


What is a gay move? The game calls it Z-Moves. When it was first announced, I hated it, because THIS was the replacement for one of my all-time favourite features: mega evos.


I could be mega evolving my Steelix here, but no, you want me to pull a gay pose (I'm not homophobic I swear)? No.


Another thing that put me off the games was the competitive side of things. A meta where people spammed gay moves and their tapus and their toxapexes.


I was a monotype player, then Kartana was banned, then ma boi was banned, and I stopped altogether. Now I just play randomised metas.


So, I completed Moon, and the. I started Sun. I still haven't completed it because I just can't be bothered anymore. The story is fun the first time, but now it is just too long and too boring.


Now that Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon are coming out, I don't really care. SuMo made me so bored I've stopped caring.




Was DP remakes too much to ask? So thanks, Sun and Moon, for killing my love of Pokemon. You've made me give up playing it.


Well, that's it. Pretty negative, but I had to get my opinion across. Thanks for reading :memelix: 




This movie.


Hello, and welcome back to the Blog-A-Log-A-Log. According to @Taiiyo, this will be my 100th post, so I'm gonna make this extra good.


But where do I begin?


Like the tag says, this movie sucks balls. There are so many things that are so stupid about it.


So, what is good about it?


I forgot my notes, so I'm going to say NONE OF IT.


I'm not even going to put the plot in here cos it's that forgettable.


There is NEVER a point in this movie where anything is other than 'meh' (cue flashbacks to emoji movie: NO NO NO).


As you can see, I'm suffering with PTMD: Post-Traumatic Movie Disorder, where are movie is so bad as soon as I start talking about it I lose all control.


The most annoying thing about the movie is it's characters: and basically the bad guys.


There's some guys called Senator Sterns who has a face you really want to punch and is so stupid he must be a Republican. Hey, at least he gets the best line in the movie.


The main bad guy, Ivan Vanko, sucks. I can't even understand a word he says because Russians. The one time I can understand him is SO STUPID, I'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER.


Not to mention that the first time we properly hear him he's screaming like a girl, and when he finally gets to fight our heroes, he fights them for TWO MINUTES, then suicide bombs himself out of the battle.


And if you think he's the worst, OH BOY YOU'RE SO WRONG.


A man named Justin Hammer is the sort of secondary bad guy to this movie. THIS GUY. WHY IS HE HERE? WHAT IS THE POINT?!


He is so annoying. He's supposed to be a business rival but everything he builds sucks so I'm surprised he even has money. 




Every scene he's in annoys the hell out of me. There's one point close to the end when he comes onto the stage doing a little dance and I wanted to throw my iPad across the room.








Here's the lines:

"Yes, I want my bird."

"A bird? You want a bird?"

"I want my bird"

"I can get you a bird. I can get you ten birds."

"I want MY bird."

"Is this a bird back in Russia?"




"We got you the bird, pal?"

"This is not my bird."

"But that's the bird, this is the bird, yeaaaahhhh. We went through a lot to get this bird."

Random guy:"It's a beautiful bird."

"I like you, I got you the bird."




"Hey, there he is, it's the bird man. You like the bird. Is that your bird? You love that bird, don't ya? You know what, take the bird."






If you don't believe me, check this out and go to 6:02:



You know what? I'm done. I'm too upset by how bad this movie is. It can't possibly get any worse, right?


Iron Man 3 is my least favourite movie, ever.


Well, time for the quote.


"It's funny how annoying a little pr*ck can be."


Rating: 1/5


Next time: Not the sequel, thank God. Instead, a movie that recently got a sequel that everyone seems to like.


Thanks for reading, got an exam soon so probably another blog very soon. See you then :memelix: 



Maybe lately you seen Lord Memelix hanging around here on Pokestadium. But where did it come from? Why is it a meme? Today I will spill these secrets.


Lord Memelix was born last year when I made a dumb Balanced Hackmons team. If you don't know what Balanced Hackmons, or BH is, it's a Smogon metagame where any Pokemon can have any move or ability they want.


I made a team made of 6 megas where they each did some sort of regular BH thing, which included Pixilate Fake Out ESpeed Mega Diancie and No Guard Mega Mewtwo Y.


However, the power of the meme was strong with me, and I wanted a bulky setup sweeper. So, I went with Mega Steelix.


But this was no ordinary Mega Steelix:


Steelix-Mega @ Leftovers

Ability: Simple

Some random EVs

- Swords Dance

- Cotton Guard

- Quiver Dance

- Stored Power


This set was bad. Steelix has no special attack and it had nothing to touch dark types, but in very specific situations, it could sweep.


So, I gave this set the name Memelix and (sometimes) used it to great effect.


Sadly, the gen 7 meta rolled around, and I hate everything that changed it.


Memelix returned, this time with Power Trip, a physical and dark type stored power.


Unfortunately, the bane of my existence came in.




Screw that move.


It was not long after that when I decided the the SuMo meta sucked and I basically quit competitive Pokemon.


But along comes Stadium Mons, giving Steelix Sand Stream and Dragon Dance, it was too good not to try out.


And so Lord Memelix was reborn.


And you all know how that went.

:memelix: :memelix::memelix:


Well, that's it for today. I think I'll start the next movie tonight, so I'll have a review for sometime in the week. Thanks for reading and I'll see you soon! :memelix: 


Hello everyone, and welcome back to the Blog-A-Log-A-Blog.


The first review is here! Since (most of) you wanted it, you've got it.


I'm a huge Marvel Cinematic Universe fan for so many reasons, so I figured where better to start than the movies I love most?


Today's movie is from 2008, and it's the one that started it all:


Iron Man


(probably put a picture in or something later)


Iron Man is a movie about a guy named Tony Stark who is in charge of a large weapons company who gets kidnapped by terrorists and escapes in a metal suit. This prompts him to make a better one, just in time to stop his partner or something (I honestly don't know) from throwing him out of his own company.


I'm going to say this straightaway, Iron Man is a good movie, however, because it is first in line, it doesn't hold that charm that the rest of the MCU movies have, and starts a couple of annoying trends.


Let's talk about the good and bad, starting with the good:


If there's one thing that I notice immediately, it's how great SOME of the characters are. Robert Downey Jr does a very good job as Tony Stark. I applaud whoever made that decision, as this was good for this movie and many to come.


The character of Yensin, who Stark gets put in a cave with, is actually quite interesting, and I feel sad when he sacrifices himself to let Tony escape, but hey, at least he can be with his family now.


But that's about it for the characters though. To be honest, Pepper Potts was just there really, and the guy playing Rhodes was replaced in the next movie, so I've never really formed an opinion on him.


However, I have huge problems with the film's main antagonist, Obidiah Stane. I'll talk more about why he sucks later.


Also, a small appearance from Phil Coulson is nice, as he is what ties the first MCU movies together.


I'll admit that the film is interesting throughout. There are no bits where it is incredibly boring and it even had a few funny moments: not laugh out loud funny, but a smile and a giggle funny. 


I like the movie's plot and pacing: the transition from an origin story to superhero is done right. The whole origin story is original, which is nice.


Also, the whole terrorists attacks in the movie have a modern relevance which I can appreciate. With the people in the town wherever that place were being attacked by the Ten Rings, it held a similarity to the present Syria and IS.


Now, for the bad:


Obidiah Stane. I'll be honest, I don't know anything about him because the film focuses more on making him to be the biggest d*head possible than giving us any sort of information on him. 


The film has so many opportunities to tell us more about him, but all it tells us is that he managed the company until Stark was old enough. THAT'S IT.


I like to root for villains, but he's such an a*hole that I want to slap him every time his face appears.


Also, the one quote he says, "You think that just because you have an idea, it belongs to you?" Clearly shows that he has no understanding of copyright and it's such flaws logic. I feel like somebody just put that in the movie because they thought it would sound cool. It's so bad I hate it.


Also, the movie tries to make it surprise that he is the villain, but he's such an a*hole that there is no surprise to it. It was obvious.


The side-villains, the Ten Rings, are kinda uninteresting. We don't know much about them, and tbh they kinda suck.


Also, for a movie about Iron Man there is not much Iron Man. But this movie didn't suffer from that, because the action scenes were great.


In my opinion, I think that Iron Man does well as a standalone movie, but in the MCU, it is forgettable, overshadowed by newer additions. That doesn't mean that I don't like it, I do, it just doesn't impact me much.


Many bad things in this movie would have been passable if it was just a standalone movie, but unfortunately it starts trends in the MCU which bug me, such as the 'hero and villain are equally matched cliché', and 'the MCU villain is terrible cliché'. It is certainly good, but not the best.


Rating: 3.5 / 5


And now, I leave you with a quote. The quote can be anything from the movie, funny, memorable or it just stands out. Here's the first quote:




Next time: A terrible sequel. A terrible movie. I'm kinda sad that I have to watch it, but I've seen worse.


Anyway, see you all soon :) 


First of all, welcome back to the Blog-A-Log-A-Blog. First, I have a few announcements:


Reviews will be coming. Thanks for positive responses, I'm currently in the process of writing the first review. If you want a clue, I'll tell you that like the reviews, it is the first in a very long line.


Less importantly, I gave the blog a picture. It's just my dog. She's adorable although this is an old picture. I was going to take a new one but she had almost all of her fur 'groomed' (they call it grooming but it's actually cutting almost all of it off) and she looks terrible.


Anyway, here's today's blog:


A while back, I talked about respect, and basically why I hate/don't respect anyone. Well today that hit a new low, and if you've seen my status update, you should know that it ended like this:


Hi Grandpa,


I've been thinking about the way I spoke to you earlier, and I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget to think before I speak, and I don't mean to be rude. I hope you forgive me for my actions and that we can move on from what happened.


I regret sending this but was forced to by my parents, and that was the last straw, as my day wasn't very good anyway.


So, my Grandpa, who is a nice but sometimes disrespectful person (and the only Trump supporter I know) was watching the news, and I freaked out because my dad, who I'm convinced is really stupid, lets her lick the chocolate on it. My dog is the only member of my household that I really love so I freaked out. It when something like this:


(I've given up on grammar here)

"Omg dad why did you let her lick that"

"im trying to watch the news"

"i know but the dog just licked chocolate that could hurt her"

"im trying to watch the news"

"but dont you realise what that couldve done to her"

"im trying to watch the news"




So, I lost it there and didn't think much of it until I got back home and my parents, for the 100th time, took the time to remind me how disrespectful I was. And then I had to send that stupid email.


Thank God the internet doesn't show emotion because what I wrote in that email was completely false.


What I was told to write:


Hi Grandpa,


I've been thinking about the way I spoke to you earlier, and I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget to think before I speak, and I don't mean to be rude. I hope you forgive me for my actions and that we can move on from what happened.


What I wanted to write:


Hi Grandpa,


I've been thinking about the way I spoke to you earlier, and I have no regrets. I always think before I speak, and I meant to be rude. Screw you and I don't want to talk about this again because I was better off not doing this.


My family, and especially my parents, do not deserve respect. I might edit this if I get a reply, although that depends on what it is.


Anyway, that's it for today. I just had to get this off my chest. See you tomorrow for a review :) 


Hello everyone, and welcome back to the Blog-A-Log-A-Blog.


I'm going to be honest, nothing interesting has happened in my life, so there's not anything to talk about.


I still wanted to do something for the blog anyway and I realised that I've always wanted to do reviews.


Movies and TV shows are my life right now. I live and breathe them. They are my dream. I've always wanted to review them, especially bad ones but I never had the place to do it.


So what do you think? Would anyone be interested in reviews? I haven't seen anything like that around here, and I can do them on top of my blog.


There will be a poll, and I'll leave it open until 24 hours from now. If I get a positive result, I already have a review in the works that should be finished by then.


I want to put happier things on the blog and I feel that this would be a fun addition.


Well, that's it. This has been short, but important. See you soon :) 


Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Blog-A-Log-A-Blog.


Just as a reminder, THERE WILL BE NO BLOG ON THE WEEKENDS. I don't have time usually to do them then, so expect these only on weekdays.


Anyway, today was my first of many GCSEs, aka the big bunch of exams that British people do. This was not my first, that one was at Christmas, an English Literature one, which I got a B in.


No, today's exam was Welsh.


If you haven't heard of Welsh, then congratulations, you have a wonderful life. Welsh is the language of the people of Wales, a small country next to England (Somebody here will know what I mean, wink wink nudge nudge. God I hope there're reading this) and the Welsh language is just about one of the most and annoying and pointless subjects I've ever had to take.


And, as I live in Wales, not only is it a subject I have to take but I also have to have an exam on it, and that's what I did for an hour.


My first exam in a long list meant that I had to juggle revision in all different lessons, and I am REALLY BAD at Welsh. 2 of the 3 practice exams that I did I failed, and the last one I got 65%, which was yesterday.


So how did the exam go?


Not gonna lie, it was boring, but nonetheless I did every question put at me. 


Exams are stressful. If anyone is reading this who is going through it right now, or has been through it in the past, I'm sure you can sympathise. If you haven't started this yet, then good luck, you're going to be in for a wild ride.


The exam itself went well. There were some difficult questions, and despite me being God-awful at Welsh, I'm really happy with myself.


I get a night off from revision tonight, but the exams only get harder from there. Next up is another English Literature, on the 26th. After that there's one big clump, including one week where I have an exam EVERY DAY, Monday through Friday. I have no idea how to tackle that.


This blog's been a little short today, but to be honest, I'm tired. I'll probably go home and watch a movie tonight, as I feel that I deserve it, then crack on with English Literature revision, because if I can say anything about that exam, it WILL NOT be fun at all.


But maybe my English problems will be a story for another time. A lot is happening in school so I have a lot to talk about. Thanks for reading and I'll see you tomorrow :) 


Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Blog-A-Log-A-Blog. I'm sorry that I didn't fufuil my promise of talking about this earlier, I went to the funeral for my dead grandmother yesterday (remember when I talked about that?), which I was planning to talk about today but I have to keep my promises for here we go:


Everyone has an origin story: some are more interesting than others. When I look back on my origin story, I smile and think of everything that happened, and how it changed my life for the better.


So, how did it start?


It was the day I got Netflix.


I had begged my parents to get Netflix for a few months, and eventually, on February 1st 2016, they got it for me.


The only problem was, there were so many things to choose from. What would I watch? In order to understand what I chose, you need to know that if I see too many YouTube ads for something, e.g. A Netflix show, I give in. And in November of 2015 that happened.


Well, it sort of happened.


The ad was a particularly interesting one, and it was for a Netflix show: Marvel's Jessica Jones. It was a 30 second long ad, back in the days when you could actually skip them. It started off with a certain someone (hint hint it's the username) telling you not to skip the ad.


The first time round, I skipped it. But, this command to not skip the ad had made me wonder what was in the ad that they wanted me to see, so, I searched through all of YouTube, playing video after video until it appeared. I watched the full ad, and while the show sparked my interest, I did not have Netflix, so I couldn't watch it. After that, I spent months trying to persuade my parents to get Netflix.


Anyway, back to February, I put on Jessica Jones and watched not 1, but 8 episodes in a day. I enjoyed it, but I didn't feel any true attachment to the show until the last few minutes of the last episode, when the show's main villain, Kilgrave, was:






At the moment, I felt something I'd never felt before. I felt sad for the death of a villain. I was really upset about this and it prompted me to watch the show again, which only expanded my feelings to the point that I call 'the boner'.


Of course, I didn't actually have a boner, I'm not capable of one, but the way I felt that time I think matches that.


I think I've watched the show about 5 times, and I'll probably watch it again soon now that the Defenders is coming.


But it gets better.


One day, I realised that my username which I had been using  for the last few years was getting really boring, but I had no idea what to change it to.


And I came up with this name. At first I was hesitant to change it to this, as I wasn't confident in myself, however, when Pokemon GO came round, I used the name TOAOKilgrave (with TOAO meaning 'The One And Only'), and I've been using the Kilgrave name ever since.


Looking back, I can't really believe that a 'boner' changed who I was, but I feel that if all of this never happened, I would be less happy then I am now, and it really did change my life.


Thanks for reading. Today was pretty eventful, with my mother spelling the beans at parents evening which means that I might have counselling sessions soon, and yesterday's funeral. But I guess I'll see you tomorrow :) 


I'm sorry that I didn't make a blog over the weekend. I probably will have to skip Saturdays because of what I want to talk about today, and on Sunday I was at the cinema, watching an awesome movie, which was so awesome I just spent all day thinking about it (it was Guardians of the Galaxy 2 if you care).


Welcome back to the Blog-A-Log-A-Blog, today I talk about a topic which very important to me. Let's do this:


If you read my first blog, where I answered all of those questions, I said that my dream job would be acting.


Although cheesy people say that all of your dreams come true if you believe in yourself or whatever, I'm trying my hardest to make that dream a reality.


My inspiration came from watching lots of TV and movies, where I would be inspired by (male) actors (with the added side effect of the occasional boner). These people made my life better and I wanted to do the same for others.


However, there was a problem.


I have absolutely zero confidence. How was I supposed to get anywhere without it? I kept my idea a secret, thinking that my parents wouldn't fully support me through it.


Until one day, I was on the bus on the way to school, and the driver had his radio on, and an ad that came on changed everything.


A drama academy about half an hour away from my house was having an open day.


They said about where to find their website on the ad and I spent the rest of the trip there, and it looked great.


So that day, I came clean to my mother about it, and she agreed to take me.


Let's just say that since then, I've been going there every Saturday, and I love it. While my level of confidence isn't on par with the rest of the people there, and I've had no prior drama experience, I enjoy every minute.


I'm not exactly sure where this change came from. I used to hate drama. I'd get terrible scores in it, but now, if I had another shot, I'd do much better. I avoided taking drama when the time came around because I wasn't entirely sure if it was the right path for me, and also because the school's 'female dog, wolf, fox or otteres' all take drama and I couldn't cope in a class full of 'female dog, wolf, fox or otteres'.


I guess you can say that like most other important things in my life, this did start from "a massive boner", but that's a blog for another time.


I'm so happy that I can now do what I want, away from the people in my school, who would just laugh and judge me. Trust me, they would.


I feel that I am finally getting my confidence back, although I feel that my acting does need some improvement (although if you know my 'mental state', you would understand). Because of that, I act on experience, and particularly enjoy acting against other people, because it's what I do on a daily basis.


However, this is taking a toll on me. I no longer want to try hard in my exams, as I no longer feel that I need them. This might be the wrong mindset, but I know what I want to do with my life now, and there's no going back.


Well, that's the end of the Blog-A-Log-A-Blog for today. Next time, I'll talk about the "massive boner" that changed my life, and it's a fun story. See you tomorrow :) 


Hello and welcome back to the Blog-A-Log-A-Blog. Today's topic: Respect. Let's do this.


I was informed by my parents last night that I am a very disrespectful person. This happened while we were watching the news and my dad started spouting his questionable political opinions.


The Prime Minister was on the TV and my dad told her to shut up. Now, I like our Prime Minister so I not so kindly told my dad to shut up.


I'm not going to lie, I hate my dad. He's a selfish man who is convinced that his offensive 'jokes' are the funniest on the planet and absolutely can't stand being wrong. And, like I said before, his political views are pretty dumb.


Today's blog is not about politics, so after I told him to shut up every adult in the house ganged up on me for being rude, which I didn't mind, it happened a lot.


That night, both my mum and my dad approached me over it. While my mum, being the nice person that she is, kindly told me that I was disrespectful and to not do that again (although my whole family also thinks that my dad has crap political views).


My dad, on the other hand, basically threatened to smash my face in if it happened again. Although I know that my dad is capable of that, I never take these threats seriously.


So that made me wonder, am I a disrespectful person in general, or do I just not want to respect certain people?


If there's one thing I learned from yesterday, it's that it's okay to point out my flaws, because I feel that I have more bad qualities than good (I blame my dad, he's the same).


I came to the conclusion that respect is earned, but earning respect is difficult by my standards.


I said yesterday that I really don't want to talk and interact with others, but also I find very few people in life that are even worthy of my attention.


I've found myself, once again, questioning my 'mental state', and slowly proving my own theory.


As sad as it sounds, I don't want to respect 99% of people I know because I simply do not care about them.


The leftovers have my respect because they help me keep my sanity, at a time that I feel I'm slowly losing it.


I mean, just a few hours ago, I was playing a game with my friends, and it was the happiest I've felt in a long time, probably about a month.


People say that you should respect everyone, but those people are sane and actually care about others. I'm different, so where does that put me?


I've come to the conclusion that the people I respect are the ones that make me happy, such as my mother and my friends.


I don't see why I have to respect people who waste my time by existing, like my dad.


I see respect as a bridge. One side may build towards the other, but that side doesn't have to let it happen. Someone on the other side can cut the bridge away, leaving it hanging on the side it started on. I've been cutting the bridge that almost everyone is trying to build and that's because I don't want to talk to people.


I don't know is this makes me a bad person, but I don't know many people who could answer it for me. I guess for now I can say that it's just the way I am.


Anyway, thanks for reading. Today was an odd topic that I wasn't expecting to cover, but things happen and it made me think. See you tomorrow :) 


Welcome back to the Blog-A-Log-A-Blog. Today, we'll stroll away for the silliness to talk about something a bit more serious. Warning: Depression ahead.


Emotion. It's what makes us human. So what are you if you don't have it? Where do I fit into all of this?




First, a little backstory.


I've had a bit of what I like to call a 'moral dilemma' for about two month. A question that plagued my mind and still does.


"Is it wrong to not be sad when someone dies?"


At the beginning of April, my grandmother was admitted into hospital after suffering a heart attack. She had been struggling with Dementia and Alzheimer's for about a year and a half.

Over that year and a half, we slowly lost her. The only member of my family she could recognise was my dog. She never said a word to me. Every time I visited I don't think that she knew I was there. I know it wasn't her fault but this upset me so much that after about a year I refused to see her.

I hadn't seen her since Christmas when the heart attack happened. She was in hospital, stable, but not expected to live for much longer.


I had thought about my question for a long time, doing countless Google searches until I could find my answer.


It is okay to not be sad if you're not very close to the person who died.


Despite me having an answer I was happy with, I still questioned myself that every day.


My mum broke the news that she probably wasn't going to survive to my sister. While my sister ran away bursting into tears, I felt nothing.


This was big. I didn't know how I would feel about it, but I felt absolutely nothing.


On Monday April 17th, during dinner, my Dad received a phone call from his brother, telling him that my grandmother would soon die. He went to the hospital and didn't come back until 10:30 that night.

Then, at quarter to eleven, my Dad was called again, this time to tell him that my grandmother had passed away in her sleep.


I thought this time round I would be at least a little bit sad, but I felt the same way: nothing. The more I thought about it, the less I felt.


So, back to the main story.




My lack of emotion caused me to question myself about my mental state. Every time I wanted to feel sad, my brain pushed it away, leaving emptiness behind.

My reaction wasn't normal and I knew that, and the next question I asked had forced me to think about everything I've ever done.


Am I a sociopath?


You might be thinking, just because you're not sad about someone dying doesn't make you a sociopath, and I know, I agree.


But I feel this way on a daily basis. 


Life has not been kind to me. School has drained all of the happiness out of me. I feel like an empty shell, pretending to be happy just to satisfy everyone else. 


However, sometimes I can't tell the difference between my real and forces emotions, and I actually think that there is some real emotion in me.


I love my mother, even if she can be annoying at times with revision. Even though I hate doing it, I understand that it's just for the best.


I have some friends. The are the best friends I could ever ask for. They help me through difficult times so I actually feel friendship and love. The problem is that they're in the year below me, and this time next year I will be approaching the end of my time with them, as I don't  really have a choice to leave school.


Love is lacking for me. I don't want to talk to people because I hate everyone, and I don't want to love because nobody has been worth my time. In fact, all of my positive feelings feel fake, and there's very few things in my life at the moment that make me happy.


So am I a sociopath?


Yes and no. I'd say I'm borderline. When I lose my last closet friends and end up by myself, I will be there. And, I thought about it, and I will embrace this. After all, I did this to myself, and I won't let it dominate my life.


The funeral is on Wednesday. I'll try my hardest to hide my lack of emotions, but I really won't know how it'll work out until the day.


Tbh, I wasn't expecting today's blog to get this dark, but I felt that it was nessecary to get this off my chest, and if you managed to read all of this, thanks, I appreciate it. See you tomorrow :) 


Everyone is doing these questions so I figured there would be no better way to start out with some information about me. Here we go!


(btw I'm overly sexual but I can't help myself)


1. Favorite Color? Purple

2. Favorite Musical Artist/Band? Take That (you have to be British to know them)

3. Favorite Music Genre? Pop

4. Have you ever been in love? Yes, and I still am

5. Are you currently in a relationship? I have been forever alone since the day I was born.

6. Zodiac sign? Libra AKA the boring one

7. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes

8. Any tattoos or piercings? Not yet

9. Would you ever dye your hair? If purple was considered a normal hair colour, yes.

10. What color are your eyes? Blue 

11. What color is your hair? I don't think that there's a word for it.

12. The last bruise you got - where is it located? No idea. I either never notice myself get one or completely miss the entire bruise.

13. Do you have a favorite pair of shoes? Shoes aren't worth being my favourites

14. A word you have trouble spelling? Tomorrow (actually just spelt it wrong writing that)

15. Celebrity crush? Yes but I don't talk about that. That's my biggest secret.

16. Green or purple grapes? Purple

17. Do you sleep with your window open? No.

18. Height: 5 foot something.

19. Are you afraid of spiders: No.

20. Favorite movie? I loved the Lion King when I was younger, but at this point in time I have to say The Avengers.

21. Favorite TV Show? I have too many to list.

22. If you could announce something to the whole world, what would you say? I have crippling depression.

23. Ever broken a bone? No, luckily.

24. How many concerts have you been to? 3

25. Play any instruments? Not in a long time.

26. Any internet friends? Who are you closest to? I have no friends lol.

27. Favorite food? Pizza and chocolate and chocolate flavoured things.

28. Any allergies? Red cheese. I think.

29. Last book you read? I think it was the last Harry Potter book.

30. Coffee or tea? Haven't tried either. Don't like hot drinks.

31. Ever had a song or poem written about you? No thank God.

32. Pet peeves? When people say things behind my back. Also, ⚠ty people who ⚠ing swear about 10 ⚠ing times in each ⚠ing sentence ⚠ing kids hate the mother⚠ers.

33. How many languages you speak? Been forced to learn Spanish, German, French and worst of all, Welsh, in school. I suck at all of them so just one.

34. Ever had a rumor spread about you? Too many to count. One recent one is that I had nits. Not true.

35. Define art? Something that actually looks artistic.

36. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? No my tongue is short af.

37. Where is your best friend right now? At home probably watching anime.

38. The last song you listened to? No idea.

39. Favorite tumblr blog? Never used Tumblr.

40. Top 5___: Top 5 Websites:

5. Pokestadium

4. YouTube

3. YouTube

2. YouTube

1. YouTube

41. Ever witnessed a crime? I wish.

42. Favorite ice cream? Chocolate is love. Chocolate is life.

43. Ever been in a physical fight? Couldn't fight for the life of me.

44. Ever glued your hand to something? Ur mum. I'm joking. No.

45. Have you ever been easily amused by something? People looking like idiots.

46. Ever forgotten someone's name? People I don't know very well.

47. One of your bad habits? I'm an arsehole.

48. Are you good at lying? I like to think I am.

49. Favorite smell? Petrol. Or gasoline if you're American.

50. If there was a movie based off your life, what would it be called? Life of a Loser. Critics are calling it the best movie ever made.

51. What makes you nervous: Talking to people I don't know.

52. Idea of a perfect date: ⚠ing my crush.

53. Are you afraid of falling in love: No I have a goal and I will not fall in love with anyone else until I reach it.

54. Do you like the beach: No I hate sand.

55. What's something you really want right now? To sleep.

56. Last thing you ate? A waffle.

57. Sexuality? Straight as hell.

58. Are you a paranoid person? Sometimes.

59. Favorite type of food? Chocolate food.

60. Curly or straight hair? I don't mind either.

61. Favorite month/time of year? Summer.

62. Last thing you drank? Water cos I'm boring.

63. If you could say anything to your crush right now, what would it be? I LOVE YOU. NOW ⚠ ME. (I'm so sorry but I can't lie)

64. Least favorite holiday? Valentine's Day (forever alone).

65. Favorite holiday? Christmas.

66. Favorite kind of jewelry? I don't wear jewelry much.

67. Makeup or no makeup? No makeup. Who needs it?

68. Favorite mythical creature? Dragons.

69. Do you prefer to be in front of or behind the camera? Front.

70. Favorite type of soda? Diet Coke.

71. Nails painted or not? No, can't be bothered.

72. Play any sports? Too lazy.

73. How many songs are on your current playlist? 2. I can't be bothered to add more right now.

74. Favorite kind of gatorade? No idea.

75. What do you think of your handwriting? I think it's great. Everyone else thinks it's ugly as hell.

76. Any pets? A dog and a sister.

77. What is one thing you wish you could change about yourself? I wish I was attractive to my crush.

78. Day or night? Night.

79. If you had to wear one color for the rest of your life, what would it be? Purple lol.

80. Favorite word? I don't care about words.

81. Least favorite word? Shut up.

82. What is your opinion on "Blood is thicker than water..." Am I meant to have an opinion?

83. Who was the last person to hurt you? My sister. That was also the same the time before that, and the time before that, and the time before that...

84. What is your weirdest scar you have and how did you get it? A have a scar on my toe. It's weird cos I don't know where it came from.

85. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2

86. Who was the last person you texted and what did it say? Parents: I can't remember lol. Be there for 4.

87. If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go? Disney World.

88. Choose one superpower? The power to give other people boners.

89. Soft or firm pillows? No idea. I think firm.

90. What is one thing you constantly worry about? Looking like an idiot.

91. Dream career? Actor.

92. Do you ever want to get married? No (unless it's the crush).

93. DO you ever want to have kids? No.

94. What's one of your biggest fears? Sand (I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.)

95. What is the current time? 17:17pm

96. What time did you go to bed last night? About 10:30pm

97. Twitter or tumblr? Neither i don't have a social life.

98. Dogs or cats? Both, but I have a dog so it'll have to be dog.


Well, there you go. It was nice to get that off my chest. I sorry for sex references. Goodnight.

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